🔗 Share this article The Words from My Parent That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Parent "I think I was just just surviving for twelve months." Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood. However the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations. Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo. "I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help. The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing. His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time." "It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling. They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective. He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out. 'Parenting yourself That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood. The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish. "You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse." Tips for Coping as a New Father Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated. Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping. Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time. As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive. When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely. Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children. "I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."
"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months." Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood. However the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations. Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo. "I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help. The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing. His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time." "It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling. They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective. He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out. 'Parenting yourself That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood. The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four. When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish. "You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse." Tips for Coping as a New Father Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated. Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping. Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time. As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive. When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely. Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children. "I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."